Undermine- to injure, weaken or impair, esp. by subtle, stealthy or insidious means
My post today is about undermining! As parents we try to do the best we can for our kids. We give them ground rules and guidelines we would like them to follow. We make decisions based on what we think is right and fair for our kids under the circumstances. There is no manual on how to raise children, they don't come with instructions so we just push through. If we love our children and trust our instincts, morals and convictions then I believe we are truly doing the best we can.........
That being said, it is very frustrating to me, to set up rules and boundaries only to have someone come along and undermine my authority! Whether subtle or more evident, it is still undermining. My husband is guilty of the more subtle type of undermining. Ever since Andrew was 2 years old we had a problem with him coming into our room in the middle of the night. I would always take him back to his room. Paul on the other hand felt it wasn't a big deal and in front of Andrew would tell me that it was ok if Andrew slept in our bed. He would say he knew what it was like to be scared since he himself was scared when he was a kid. Now, I'm not such a mean mom that I wouldn't try and console my child if he was scared or had a bad dream but this became an every night event and I'm not exaggerating! It also lasted for almost 5 years! For a long time I would take him back to his bed and then he would come back to our room, drop on his knees and crawl on the floor to Paul's side. I finally gave up but it was a point of contention for me!
Once Lauren was able to move into a bed she began the same thing and so here we are again! I've expressed to Paul how important it is for the kids to sleep in their own bed for them and for us but he still insists it's not a big deal. He chooses to make his point in front of the kids so I look like the bad guy! I guess that's really not so subtle.
Anyway to make a long story short.....here's what I believe: I may not have all the answers but I believe that if a parent or spouse believes strongly about something that is not going to ultimately hurt the child or other person than the other parent/spouse should support them and not undermine them!
Enough said.........I'm climbing off my soapbox now!
